Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
