Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
