I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
