the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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