my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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