cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
