She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
