yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
being pregnant is like rehab
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
