accomplished twins. life is a go
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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