____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
zippers are such a cool invention
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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