He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
pop tarts are not kleenex
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
