Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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