I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
