There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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