Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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