So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
