come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
