Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
