Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
