It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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