So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
