Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
