Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
