i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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