Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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