he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
