Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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