I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
