If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
