"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
