She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
