but the lizard people decide everything anyway
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I just found puke in my bra..
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
