I am puke
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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