I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
