I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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