I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
