I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
