from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
