High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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