Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
