weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
