At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
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