I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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