So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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