All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Of course I have a pirate flag
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
