We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
