i really wish james franco would like my vagina
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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