At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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