Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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