I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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