Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
