Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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