Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
