The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize