i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Randomize
