I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
