grandma shit on top of the toilet
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Randomize
