thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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