can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
