i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
