Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
