its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
