he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
