My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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