sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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