my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
