she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
