I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Randomize
