Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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