just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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