I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
