I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
