I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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