Swine flu. Run for my life!
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Randomize
