You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
