I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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